I want to make a zoo with you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize