Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
