dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Every concussion has its silver lining
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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