I want to walk on stilts...naked
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
