she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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