need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
