i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
