I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
