i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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