my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
