can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize