its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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