did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
