she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
