Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
