the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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