I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
