Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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