Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
