I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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