Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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