I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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