Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
smell my finger.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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