i need an iv and a liver transplant
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
