when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I still have a little drunk in my system
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
