ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
now i know why i became what i already was.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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