I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
