do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
