He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize