member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize