What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
