Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
