We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
