i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
