we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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