I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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