Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
