His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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