she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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