My Higher Power is John Stamos
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
