I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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