Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
