did you get engaged???
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
