Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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