I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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