my shit smells like andre
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
