He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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