I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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