...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
