i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
