You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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