why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So many bounce houses so little time
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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