forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
4 words: hood of his car
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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