I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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