Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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