He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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