True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
