Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
