So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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