Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
