WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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