I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
