Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
