We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
