Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
