so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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