she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
