I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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