Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
