I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
