I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
