You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
