hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
