Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize