I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
