my room smells like sperm. sweet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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