I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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