You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
