He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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