my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
