I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
