i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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