Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
