WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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