Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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