you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my poor anus
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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