So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Alive.
So much puke
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ladies don't puke and tell
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
