i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize