my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
