my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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