If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
