I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
